Dear Matthew, 

Today you are one month old! What a milestone!

Things that I have been able to tell that you enjoy so far include eating, sleeping, Christmas lights, organ music, being worn in a Moby wrap, skin-to-skin time, a black-and-white picture book, and bathtime. More and more I can tell that you know me and that I am special to you. The fact that you are beginning to reciprocate my feelings for you overflows my heart with joy. Things that you clearly do not like include blood tests, being naked, being hungry, and being dirty or wet. On the whole, I would say that you are a pretty content and easy baby, with the exception of the fact that we still don't really have a nighttime routine that works for all of us. I know that we will get there though, and in my clearer-headed hours I am enormously grateful for the privilege of being the one who gets to soothe you back to sleep.

Officially recognized milestones on the baby front so far include increasingly frequent I contact, turning toward familiar voices, and that your umbilical stump fell off, but I suspect that we are on the cusp of a social smile, which I am so eagerly looking forward to. Your hands are closed into fists only about half the time now, and less when you are awake. You are awake quite a bit in contrast to the nearly constant daytime sleep in the beginning, which delights all of us, but especially your brother. Sometimes you hold my finger, and that simple act feels like such a special, stolen moment in what otherwise is usually a full agenda day. Your facial expressions are usually ponderous and pensive. I ask you often what you're thinking about and look forward to the day when you can tell me. I can see that so much is going on in your mind and I always wish I knew exactly what it was. But I can wait. :) 

Our days typically include a lot of feeding, skin to skin, cloth diapering, and babywearing, as well as increasingly frequent grocery shopping, meetings and social visits, play dates and appointments for your brother, and getting him to and from school, reading books, and household chores. It doesn't sound like much on paper but it wears us out. 

The first month went by so fast and I know that time only speeds up from here. I can try to write descriptions, capture photos, and make the occasional video; but none of that will immortalize the exquisite, intimate moments that these are. I know you won't be able to consciously remember this time and will have to wait till you become a father, should that be your path, to have memories of this season in a life. I hope that is your path because I hope that you will experience with your child what I experience with you. Until then, I hope that these letters, when I can pause to write them down, are meaningful to you. I hope as you grow up that you will love knowing about yourself and about your family's journey as you grow. And I hope that despite the inadequacy of language, you will feel in the energy behind these words the incredible love that surrounds you at every moment.

Happy birthday, precious son!

Love, Mom